"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." ~Brené Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection
I'm currently reading this book by Brené Brown, and I can honestly say I have never read so slowly in my whole life. I am only on page 38, because after every page, I have to put the book down, think, process, and let the information sink in. It truly speaks to me, and I recognize myself in so many behaviors.
Brené Brown is a shame researcher, so the woman knows what she's talking about. She's making the argument, that often it is shame that is holding us back from 1) owning our story, and 2) progressing to be a better version of ourselves. I believe she is right. More often than not,if I find myself at a road block and I just can't get myself to get past it, shame is in some way related to it. It takes some real digging sometimes to recognize my shame. But if I'm not too lazy to do a little digging, I will come up with my answer, may it be shame or another reason that's holding me back.
Ask yourself if you are feeling shame when you do certain things.
Let's assume you have a sweet tooth. You have a stash of chocolate hidden somewhere in the house, like the top shelf of the pantry that is just tall enough to keep your chocolate hidden from your family. Then you have a bad day, you reach for your chocolate, and before you know it, it's gone. Every last bite of it.
Shame appears twice in this little paragraph.
1) You're ashamed to have this chocolate hidden from everyone. I'm not just talking about the kids who will destroy anything sweet that gets in their way. I'm talking about your significant other who also is totally unaware that you have this stash of chocolate. If you did not feel shame, you would not have to hide the chocolate.
2) You eat all the chocolate (then hide the wrapper underneath all the other trash).
"Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging."
If you told your spouse or significant other about this, would you be scared to be less loved, to be less worthy of being loved? Do you really think, that your spouse or significant other would withdraw their love for you because you ate all the chocolate?
If so, then you may want to think about whether your spouse's priorities are in the correct order.
The truth is, when you can own this story, you can finally dig deeper and understand where this sweet tooth came from and why you choose this behavior.
Are you simply addicted to sugar? Are your adrenals exhausted? Are you dealing with something that happened in your past and created a habit you can't shake? Is there a nutritional deficiency that makes you crave the wrong foods? Are you bored and need to fill your life with better things than chocolate?
To understand the "why" of your actions gives you the power to figure out "how" to put this behavior behind you.
Do you feel like you need a little extra help with this? Then you should definitely let me know. Nutritional Therapy is about so much more than me sitting in my teacher chair and telling you what to eat. I am here to help you find the cause and to walk into a new and better future.
Contact me now!